Crew
by xev
Summary: The crew of the Lexx gets a new member1st in a series


I don't own any of the characters/scenes. This is not for profit/just for fun. Don't use this in an illegal way or the beans will release a tribe of rabid lawyers.  
  
  
  
"Why are we here?"  
  
"To get something different to eat Stanley."  
  
The argument had been going on since they had discovered this tiny planet that was obviously used only for commerce. The entire planet was composed of shops and stands that sold any number of things.  
  
"If we are here to get something to eat, then why is Kai here?"  
  
"Kai is here to protect my Delicious Darling and to kill you."  
  
Xev found 790's worship a little annoying at times, but it was a nice change from being insulted for most of her life.  
  
Xev rolled her eyes and said, "Kai is here because I want him to be here Stan."  
  
It was Stan's turn to roll his eyes as he rotated from his companions to study a shop to his right. Kai watched the exchange between his 2 and a half fellow crew with his usual emotionless annoyance. As they all continued along they were more and more distracted from their shopping by shouts coming from somewhere ahead of them. They finally came upon a mob of people surrounding two central figures. They were able to see inside the circle from time to time. The shouts ranged from "Back off Junis," to "Get her!" The female was not speaking but was just staring at the male figure.  
  
Suddenly Kai grabbed Xev and Stan's arms. "We must move back."  
  
Xev turned to him, "Why?"  
  
Kai simply said, "You will see."  
  
Stan and Xev's heads snapped back forward as an earsplitting roar came from the circle. The first body that went flying was that of the man whom the crowd had named Junis. Then came several large men that had been telling Junis to "Get her." The group disbanded as a very angry voice screamed, "Does anyone else wanna screw with me?!"  
  
As the crowd broke up the crew of the Lexx finally got a good look at the female. She had shoulder length black hair that was half pulled back into a ponytail. The ponytail was then braided from the holder back. She had raging brown eyes that flashed with silver from time to time. The hair not pulled back was hanging down on the back and sides on the bottom. The only break in this cascade of ebony was at her ears, one of witch was pierced twice at the top and bottom with a small silver chain connecting the two. Her eye shadow was a deep brown that went back to her hairline on the sides. Her deep red lips were curled back in an obvious snarl. Stan thought maybe she had lost half her outfit as she was wearing a peach bra- looking top with a chocolate velvet skirt that was as short as Xev's. Her black boots were almost to her knees and had a ribbon around each ankle; one of white and the other a crimson red. The only break in her creamy white skin was a tattoo on her left bicep of three lines on top of each other with the second line containing a half circle. All three lines were in a blood red color. Her nails shined in gold chrome. Her back was turned to the epic travelers. She slowly turned and her eyes went suddenly wide when she caught sight in Kai. She immediately shoved Stan out of the way and jumped between Xev and Kai.  
  
"RUN!!!" she screamed at Xev as her foot landed squarely in Kai's chest. Xev was amazed as Kai actually fell back a bit before he grabbed her leg and his brace went to her throat. Xev quickly got between them.  
  
"It's alright, he's not an assassin anymore. He's our friend."  
  
Kai and the stranger separated. "He's not one anymore? How is that even possible?"  
  
Stan, after dusting himself off from being thrown to the ground, said, "It's a long story."  
  
She looked from Kai to Stan to Xev and finally to 790. Her eyes went up to Xev's face and Xev said, "That's an even longer story."  
  
Stan spoke up, "Why were those people fighting with you?"  
  
She looked at him and sighed, "To make another long story short, some people can't take a joke."  
  
Kai asked, "Who are you?"  
  
"My name's Tia. What about you?"  
  
"I am Kai, last of the Brunnen G."  
  
"I'm Xev of B3K and that's Stanley H. Tweedle, our captain."  
  
Stan meekly said, "Hi," still remembering the immense strength of this woman.  
  
"What about the head, does it have a name?"  
  
"This is 790."  
  
"I guess it's a pleasure to meet all of you."  
  
  
  
  
  
"So what are you doing here?" Stan asked.  
  
"Well, I was looking for a ship to join a crew. I'm sick of hitchhiking through the universe. However, I doubt that I will get anybody to help me here. This planet sucks."  
  
"We could take you where you want." Stan quickly added.  
  
Xev took Stan's arm and said, "Maybe we should talk about this."  
  
"I don't expect you to help me."  
  
Stan whined, "Xev, we can take her where she wants aboard the Lexx, and maybe she can be of some use to us."  
  
Xev looked from Stan to Tia and sighed, "OK Stan, I guess we could take her on with us, if that's alright with you."  
  
"I don't seem to have much choice. I would be glad to."  
  
  
  
"And this is the bridge."  
  
"I don't think I have ever seen a ship this huge that was living."  
  
Xev came up from behind Tia. "So, you have heard all about our pasts, what about you?"  
  
Tia looked away and said, "The circumstances of my life are inconsequential."  
  
Xev and Stan glanced at each other as Xev said, "Well at least tell us how you knew Kai used to be an assassin."  
  
"He looks like one and I've run into a few in my years. My people, the Mirania, are very long lived: about 10,000 years in a life. I suppose I should tell you a little about me so you don't get hurt. I was the Emperor's daughter on my planet. My father did not think I was ruthless enough to be an Emperess after he died so he had me transformed partially into a soldier thinking that would help. The soldiers on my planet are genetically altered and have their genes spliced with that of a large predator called a Dark Panther. I, fortunately, was allowed to keep what continence I had. However, as a result I have a terrible temper and no patience. I can snap at a simple remark. That is what happened on the planet. I have retractable claws and this is not make-up on my face. My hair is also a permanent thickness, length and color. I am also loyal to a fault."  
  
"Wow, that's gotta be weird."  
  
Xev looked at Stan with annoyance. She then looked back at Tia, "So, where do you think we should go? How about Mirania?"  
  
"NO," she snapped, "I mean, it doesn't exist anymore."  
  
Stan asked, "What happened to it?"  
  
"My people destroyed themselves in a civil war."  
  
"Oh, sorry."  
  
"I have come to deal with it Stan. It's OK."  
  
Xev gave her a confused look, "If you are so long lived, how old are you?"  
  
"About 1000 years old."  
  
"You almost got Kai beat. He's over 2000 years old."  
  
"I am not alive Stan."  
  
Tia looked at Kai, "Yes you are."  
  
Xev snapped to attention, "What!!?"  
  
"If you weren't, how would you be able to even say, '*I* am not alive.' It wouldn't make sense. After what Xev and Stan have told me, you seem to want to help them and care for them, that's obvious. How are you not alive?"  
  
Xev, Stan and Kai all were silent for a moment. Xev broke the silence, "She's right."  
  
Stan shook his head, "Anyway, where do you think we should go."  
  
"Anywhere but this backward hole in the universe." Tia commented.  
  
Stan took his place at the Lexx's control stand, "Lexx, let's get out of here."  
  
"AS YOU COMMAND, STAN."  
  
Tia turned to Kai and they shared a look before Kai returned to cryosleep.  
  
Tia then turned to Xev and said, "SO, what do you say us three get some of that bug puke you guys call food?"  
  
Xev smiled, "Sounds appetizing,"  
  
Stan quickly got green as he slowly followed Xev and Tia to the galley.  
  
Stan could barely watch as Xev and Tia finished their meal. He had completely lost his appetite when Tia had referred to it as "bug puke." Xev and Tia had been asking each other various questions about their pasts. Tia was very artfully avoiding any questions directed at her.  
  
"What's your relationship with Kai? I mean he used to kill people. Are you guys really good friends with him."  
  
Before Xev could answer Stan spoke up, "Well, I consider him a friend but Xev is always trying to get a little more from him."  
  
Xev gave him a look that could kill as Tia asked her, "You're in love with him?"  
  
Xev paused to consider her answer, and then she proudly said, "Yes I am. You said your self he's not really dead, so I don't think there is anything wrong with it."  
  
"I think it's great and I find nothing wrong with it."  
  
Xev and Stan both said at once, "What?!"  
  
Tia looked momentarily confused before she continued, "He's not completely dead and he is very attractive. He's not my type of guy but I can definitely see how anyone would want him."  
  
Xev smiled at Stan. Stan was unfazed however as he said, "The only problem is that Kai doesn't have the working parts."  
  
Tia raised her eyebrows, "I can see how that would be a problem, well actually no I can't. It's not like he can't please a woman. He has working hands and a tongue, and that's always been the thing that I most enjoyed anyway. I just assumed that it was what all women liked, but maybe I'm wrong."  
  
"You're not." replied Xev.  
  
"Well, Kai would say he has no motivation to have sex with Xev yet she continually passes me up for him."  
  
Tia looked Stan up and down before saying, "And you are confused by that why?"  
  
Xev almost choked on her food as she tried not to laugh.  
  
Tia smiled and apologized, "I'm sorry Stan but you can't leave yourself open like that."  
  
Stan finally got the shocked look off his face as he realized Tia was joking. "No problem."  
  
"What do you guys do while your traveling anyway?"  
  
Xev said, "I usually talk to Kai and Stan either argues with 790 or tries to find someone by monitoring the frequencies on the bridge."  
  
"Talking to Kai sounds interesting."  
  
"Follow me." Xev said as she led Tia to see Kai.  
  
Stan watched them go and then went to the bridge to argue with 790.  
  
"Hey useless robot, what's out there today?"  
  
"Nothing skin sack, at least nothing that my Lick-able love cake would want. Which includes you spew brain."  
  
"You're getting sloppier with the insults robot head."  
  
"I save my creativity for poems about my Darling Duchess of Delight."  
  
"Not that I really have to ask or care but what do you think of Tia?"  
  
"Not that I care or have to answer but she is a pale imitation of my Beloved."  
  
"I think she is incredibly sexy. She has something about her that just screams 'take me', you know. I wonder if she'd be interested in a piece of manly Stanley."  
  
"I doubt it as she seems to have part of a brain and no conscious life form would be interested in anything but mutilating you."  
  
"You know 790, you need to get a body and then jump off the bridge, maybe that would improve your attitude."  
  
"Nice insult Tweedle, you must have spent a lot of time on that one."  
  
  
  
"He stays in here unless we need him."  
  
"He is still dependent on protoblood?"  
  
"Yes, how else would he be?"  
  
"Good point. What kind of man is he?"  
  
"He is wonderful, brave, and intelligent."  
  
"Wow, you are in love with him. I wish I could help you."  
  
"So do I."  
  
"SO… do you just stare at him or do you actually talk to him?"  
  
"Some days I do one, and other days I do the other."  
  
"Well, I want to talk to him." Tia went over to the control panel and Xev came over and activated the controls to wake up Kai. Kai leaned slightly forward with an almost confused look on his face.  
  
"Hi again Kai. I thought maybe since I have talked to Xev and Stan, maybe I could talk to you."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because your interesting."  
  
Kai seemed to give this thought before he stepped away from the cryochamber. "What do you wish to know?"  
  
Tia and Kai had been talking for 3 hours when Stan finally came down to see them. "Xev can I talk to you for a second?"  
  
"Sure Stan." Xev said as she came to join him around the corner.  
  
"What do you think of Tia?"  
  
"I like her Stan. She's fun and seems to like us. I've never seen anyone so comfortable with Kai after such a small amount of time. She has been nothing but nice."  
  
"I mean what do you * think * of her?"  
  
Xev looked confused momentarily before she finally grasped what Stan was asking her, "No, Stan, I don't think she would sleep with you."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"She was an emperor's daughter Stan. Do you really think she would be interested in you? No offence."  
  
"Oh, why would I take offence to that?" Stan said sarcastically.  
  
"Sorry Stan."  
  
  
  
Meanwhile Tia was making the most of Xev's exit. "How do you feel about Xev and Stan?"  
  
"I have no feelings."  
  
Tia raised one eyebrow as she said, "Oh please, it's SO obvious how you feel about Xev. I just want to know what you consider Stanley, a friend, an acquaintance?"  
  
"If you go by definitions, I would call Stanley a friend."  
  
"What about Xev?"  
  
Kai cocked his head to the side. "I am aware of Xev's feelings towards me, however, I can not reciprocate them."  
  
Tia nodded, "I understand. You don't want to hurt her because you can't be what you think she needs."  
  
Kai simply took her comment in silence as Xev and Stan returned.  
  
Stan was smiling as he said, "Where did you want to sleep tonight?"  
  
  
  
Stan was on the bridge pouting as Xev and Tia slept in Xev's bed. Xev had her head resting on Tia's stomach as they both slept. Xev woke up to a sobbing sound. She looked up and Tia was crying in her sleep. She decided not to wake her and went to the galley. On her way she recruited Stan to talk to while she ate. They were both surprised as Kai walked in with 790.  
  
"BELOVED!"  
  
"Why are you up Kai?"  
  
"790 awakened me to bring him to you."  
  
Xev gave a look to 790 as she scolded him.  
  
"I wouldn't have had to if that retard Tweedle hadn't left me down there."  
  
Xev looked at Stan and Stan said, "He was pissing me off so I put him down where he wouldn't bother me."  
  
Xev was about to say something as a newly awakened Tia walked in, "Morning."  
  
"Morning, Tia." Stan and Xev said almost in concert.  
  
Xev turned back to Stan as Tia grabbed a faceplate to get some of the Lexx's 'food'. "Stan, you can't just leave 790 down the or he will disturb Kai. 790, you can't wake Kai just to take you somewhere."  
  
Stan looked annoyed, "What are you our mother."  
  
At that they were all disturbed by Tia dropping her faceplate. They all looked at her. "Sorry, I just…" At that she left the galley with it's four confused faces.  
  
Xev finally found Tia back in her bed. "Do you want to talk about it?"  
  
"It's no big deal, my mother died when I was young and I have always been a little sensitive about that word. I'm alright though."  
  
"OK, I'll be on the bridge if you need me." Xev smiled and left Tia to be alone.  
  
Tia put her head in her hands the moment Xev left. She cried silently for a while before Kai finally came out of the shadows. "Do you now wish to tell the truth?"  
  
Tia looked up, startled. She then sighed, "I suppose I better. When I was 40, before my father had me turned into a soldier, I had a son, Kesey. My father thought he was of noble birth but he wasn't. His father was my guard, Joseph. I found a Duke who was willing to say that Kesey was his. When Kesey was ten, however, he decided that he wanted me all to himself. He told my father about Kesey not being his. As a punishment my father killed the Duke, Joseph….and my son. He then sent me to be turned into a soldier. When I returned I grabbed the nearest transport and left. I found out about 200 years later that my planet had been destroyed in a civil war. That's why I'm a little touchy about the word mother."  
  
"What was the civil war about?"  
  
"I don't know. Possibly some rebels got sick of my fathers massacre and over-thorough him. I never really asked."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
She looked up. "Why would I?"  
  
Kai cocked his head to the side in a silent touché.  
  
  
  
Tia had just finished telling her story again, this time to Xev and Stan. Stan said, "Well, that explains a lot."  
  
"STAN, I HAVE FOUND ANOTHER PLANET WITH PEOPLE ON IT. WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO GO THERE?"  
  
They all looked up at the screen as Lexx displayed the planet.  
  
Tia, Stan and Xev looked at each other and all three smiled.  
  
  
  
The moth was crowded as all five of them went down to the new planet. The second both moth doors were closed they were surrounded by large men in dark blue shirts and gray pants. They were all holding humungous guns, but they were not pointed at the crew of the Lexx, they were at their sides.  
  
A small man about half the others size came up with his arms wide and a painfully large smile.  
  
"Welcome to Hartzog. I am the leader of these wonderful people. We are honored by your presence."  
  
Stan was the first to speak, "Thanks, I'm Stanley Tweedle, captain of the Lexx. This is Xev, Tia, Kai and the head is 790."  
  
Xev and Tia waved shyly from behind Kai, where they had been since being surrounded.  
  
"Wonderful to meet all of you. Come in, we will prepare a wonderful feast for our five wonderful guests."  
  
Stan, Xev and Tia all smiled as they went inside followed by an emotionless dead man. 790 was happy just being in Xev's arms.  
  
"It's been so long since we have had any wonderful guests."  
  
They were brought into a room that was beyond compare. The ceiling was so far away it was hard to make out the decoration. In the center of the room was a donut shaped table. They were shown to their seats as their host went to have the food prepared. Their host was back in a very short amount of time and started to tell our travelers about Hartzog.  
  
"This wonderful area is the only part of this planet that is habitable. All of my people live here within about 3 kilometers of each other. We are a peaceful people and we love wonderful visitors."  
  
Xev said, "We were traveling in our ship and we thought this maybe a nice place to visit."  
  
"It is a wonderful place to visit! We are all so glad you have come."  
  
An impressive array of different kinds of food was then brought to the table and Xev, Tia and Stan were all served before their host. 790 and Kai graciously refused.  
  
Kai turned to their host, "What makes the rest of the planet inhabitable?"  
  
The host's face was suddenly very solemn, "The rest of the planet in crawling with Hartzog beetles. They are extremely poisonous. You are welcome to explore, but I would not recommend it."  
  
The crew of the Lexx was suddenly left alone.  
  
"I guess you weren't supposed to ask that Kai." Tia whispered.  
  
"That was the oddest man I have ever met." Stan whispered back, "Did you notice that he said 'wonderful' about a hundred times."  
  
Xev gave Stan a confused look, "You can't possibly think that was the weirdest man we have ever met."  
  
Stan looked at Xev and shrugged, "I guess you are right."  
  
"Well, what are we going to do now?" Tia asked.  
  
They all looked at each other and were all startled by the sudden appearance of their host, "You will stay the night with us, of coarse!"  
  
Tia said, "That's a very nice offer Sir but I think we should discuss it first."  
  
The host looked at her and said, "That would be WONDERFUL!"  
  
The crew gathered and started with Stan whining, "I don't wanna stay here."  
  
Xev looked at him, "Why not?"  
  
"Why not?! That guy creeps me out and no one else talks besides him if you haven't noticed."  
  
Tia sighed, "Is it just that your scared Stanley?"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"If that really is your only problem I can sleep in your room tonight."  
  
Xev, Stan and even Kai looked at her, stunned. Stan suddenly got a huge smile on his face and turned to the host, "We are STAYING."  
  
Xev rolled her eyes. 790 broke in, "Maybe then you and the amazon can STAY here together, give my precious beloved the key, and keep the assassin with you!"  
  
Stan turned slightly back to tell 790 something and then got a better idea, "Say guy, would it be possible for 790 to stay in the moth and guard it for us?"  
  
"That is a wonderful idea."  
  
790 was taken by one of the guards and carried out to the moth despite his insults at Stan and declarations of love towards Xev.  
  
"Stan, that was cruel." Xev said while trying not to laugh.  
  
Tia said, "That was justice. I was getting sick of that thing already. If it had stayed I probably would have killed it."  
  
The host stepped forward. "We only have two wonderful rooms available, will that be wonderful for you?"  
  
Xev smiled, "Absolutely wonderful."  
  
  
  
They were led down a hall. "This is the first wonderful room."  
  
Stan quickly opened the door and said, "This one's ours Tia. After you."  
  
Tia gave him an odd look as she went past him into the room. Stan stuck his tongue out at Xev, remembering her comment that Tia would never be interested in him. He closed the door behind him.  
  
Kai had a confused look on his face, "I believe Stan has misinterpreted Tia's offer to stay in his room."  
  
"I guess we will see in the morning." Xev said as she shrugged her shoulders. "I suppose we get the other room."  
  
Xev and Kai followed behind the host and were shown to their room.  
  
Kai surveyed the room without a comment.  
  
Xev immediately went to the bed and sat down. "What are you going to do while I'm sleeping?" She suggestively draped herself on the bed.  
  
Kai watched her with a distant interest and cocked his head to the side, "What would you wish me to do?"  
  
Xev's raging libido kicked in and she could barely think, "Maybe you could lay beside me."  
  
"If you wish."  
  
Kai went to the other side of the bed and laid down on the bed in his usually stiff manner. Xev lay down next to him. She put her hand on his chest and her head on his shoulder. Her leg instinctively raised to his waist and she sighed as she noticed that she had never been more comfortable in her life. She made herself stay awake for an hour before she finally let her exhaustion win.  
  
  
  
  
  
Tia was silently surveying the room as Stan sauntered up behind her. "Sooooo….what do you like?"  
  
Tia looked at him, confused, "What?"  
  
He slowly walked two fingers up Tia's arm, "You know….. rough and dirty or sweet and silky."  
  
Tia continued to look confused. She abruptly opened her eyes as wide as she could and then burst out laughing. She laughed so hard she was almost on the floor. Through her laughter she said, "You thought we were going to have sex?"  
  
Stan looked genuinely hurt and shocked as he said, "Well, that's usually what a man and a woman do when they share a room!"  
  
Tia finally saw Stan's face and stopped laughing. "I'm sorry Stan, I didn't mean to lead you on. I just meant that I could protect you."  
  
Stan nodded and said, "Oh, that's fine, it's not a big deal."  
  
Tia looked straight at Stan, "You actually want to have sex with me?!"  
  
Stan looked at her, "Well, yes, I mean no, well maybe."  
  
"Stan, I'm deeply flattered, but…I don't have sex with people I know anymore."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, when you have sex with a stranger that's it. Goodbye, you were great and so on. But when you have sex with a friend, it gets complicated. In my experience those complications can be deadly."  
  
Stan finally understood, "OHH! I see now."  
  
"Besides, with my Dark Panther DNA and stamina you wouldn't be able to stand for days."  
  
Leaving Stan to stare into nothingness she went to the far side of the bed and took off her shoes. Stan finally got over his shock and went to his side of the bed and removed his shoes. They both laid down without comment and quickly went to sleep.  
  
  
  
Tia woke up the next morning to Stan snoring loudly. She poked him in the ribs before she got up. Stan just grunted and turned over. Tia left to see if Xev and Kai were up yet, and perhaps check on 790. She ran back moments after leaving the room and shook Stan awake.  
  
"STAN!! WAKE UP!!"  
  
"What?" he sleepily said.  
  
"XEV AND KAI ARE GONE!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"What do you mean 'gone'?"  
  
"I mean GONE gone."  
  
"Did they tell you where they were going?"  
  
Tia looked at him with her eyes in a slit, "If they had told me, would I have run in here yelling?"  
  
Stan looked ashamed, "I guess not."  
  
"I bet that talking guy knows where they are. Let's go find him Stan."  
  
Stan rapidly put on his shoes to follow the now angry Tia. They walked down to the dining room and found him.  
  
"HELLO, how are our wonderful guests after their night of wonderful sleep?"  
  
Tia grabbed him by the front of his shirt and raised him four feet off the ground. He screamed.  
  
"WHERE ARE XEV AND KAI!?"  
  
"I don't know I swear! Please don't hurt me!"  
  
The guards immediately surrounded Tia and Stan with weapons drawn and pointed.  
  
"If you don't put those down right now I'll slit his throat and then start on all of you!"  
  
The host signaled for his men to drop their guns and step back.  
  
"Now, WHERE ARE XEV AND KAI?"  
  
"I promise I don't know!"  
  
Stan finally spoke up, "Tia, what are you going to do to him?"  
  
Tia answered in a voice that was at least a decibel lower than her normal voice. "HE will answer me or I will hang him with his own entrails!"  
  
"How will that help us if he doesn't know where they are?"  
  
Tia glared at him, "Where do you suggest we start?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Tia held the host at the back of the neck while they searched the castle room to room. Little did they know that their search was in vain.  
  
  
  
Kai woke up. It was an altogether new experience for him since he was not able to fall asleep. After his momentary confusion he felt that Xev was still draped on him in the same way in which she fell asleep. He shifted slightly so he could whisper in her ear.  
  
"Xev, wake up."  
  
She mumbled and stirred slightly. He repeated his wake up call. She finally opened her eyes and looked deep into Kai's eyes. "Good morning."  
  
Only then did she realize that they were not in the castle. "Where are we Kai?"  
  
"I do not know. The last thing I remember was you falling asleep."  
  
Kai stood up in what turned out to be a mere indentation in the middle of a large, sheer, cliff.  
  
Kai fired his brace at the top of the cliff. "Hold on tight."  
  
Xev put her arms around Kai's neck and held tight. They got about halfway up when they heard a rustling. Kai stopped at a foot deep ledge to look around. They both looked up and saw a black veil being pulled down the side of the cliff. As it got closer the veil became more distinct. The 'veil' was actually composed of millions of round 6-inch beetles. Xev's eyes went wide, "What are those?"  
  
"I believe those are the Hartzog beetles."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh no, Kai. What are we going to do?"  
  
Just as Kai was about to take Xev back down the cliff when he noticed that the beetles had parted about ten feet from them and were keeping at least that distance between them and Xev and Kai.  
  
"What are they doing Kai?"  
  
"I believe we were mislead into thinking these insects attacked people. Still I suggest we stay here until they have passed. You should continue to hold on to me in case we should have to leave immediately."  
  
Xev had no problem with that as she rested her head on his shoulder. They had been there for over an hour when the beetles finally stopped coming. Kai and Xev were allowed to continue up the cliff unharmed. When they made it to the top the sight before them was not a promising one. There was desert as far as the eye could see.  
  
"Well, what are we supposed to do now?"  
  
Kai cocked his head to the side, "Perhaps we should start walking."  
  
Kai did just that and was followed by a despondent Xev.  
  
  
  
About 2 miles later they heard yet another rustling sound.  
  
"How many of those creatures are there?"  
  
The sight that came upon them was not of beetles, but a craft that slid along the ground with tracks much like a tank. Kai pulled Xev behind him and readied his brace. The transport stopped in front of them and a man jumped out. He was shirtless and had on pants that had more tears then regular fabric. He had on boots that went to his mid-calf. His hair was cut at an all over length of 5 inches and was strewn about his face in an unkempt manner. He had a chiseled body that Xev immediately noticed. His smile was unforgettable as he approached them.  
  
"Hello, I'm glad you were able to extricate yourselves from the cliff."  
  
Kai spoke up, "You were the ones who put us there?"  
  
"Yes, I'm sorry but you had to be shown that Crais cannot be trusted."  
  
"Crais?"  
  
"You probably know him as the host."  
  
Xev found him extremely attractive, but did not trust him, "He seemed fine to us."  
  
"Enchantress, he is not what he seems. Come with us, we can help you. My name is Neves."  
  
Sensing they had no choice, they went with him.  
  
  
  
Xev and Kai soon found themselves in another cavern along with 200 people that Kai had counted so far. Neves led them to a small room with a round table in the center and four chairs. Neves motioned for them to take two of the chairs while he took a third. A man earlier introduced as Pais occupied the fourth chair.  
  
"I should start with who we are."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"This planet was once inhabited by a very large population. Crais was our leader. He decided that he needed a special breed of soldier to defend our planet. The people didn't know why since we had no problems with our neighbors. He started experimenting on civilians. One of his 'experiments' turned this planet into a wasteland and killed most of it's people. The 'guards' at his castle are his latest achievement. Most of their brains are gone. Along with that went their humanity. They are incapable of thought other than following Crais's orders. We fight against him, however, all of our direct assaults have failed. My men took you from the castle, but we were unable to rescue your friends. I'm sorry but they are probably already in the process of becoming slaves."  
  
"I doubt that. Tia is not exactly the kind to sit and watch." Xev commented.  
  
"I'm sure she is strong, but no one has ever lived through a night there."  
  
Kai asked, "What did you use to knock us unconscious?"  
  
"The so called poison from the Hartzog beetles. It's a strong sedative, but not harmful."  
  
Kai turned to Xev, "It must have odd chemical properties, as it was able to incapacitate me as well."  
  
Xev nodded despite odd looks from Neves and Pais.  
  
Kai continued, "What do you want with us?"  
  
"That depends on you. Do you want us to take you back to the castle so you can take off in your little ship?"  
  
Xev was starting to get irritated, "We need to get our friends out first."  
  
Neves sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "Fine, is that what you want?"  
  
"Yes." Xev said with mild annoyance.  
  
"Then you will help us fight, and we will take you back."  
  
Kai looked at him, "And if we refuse?"  
  
"Then you stay here with the rest of us."  
  
Xev and Kai shared a glance before Kai spoke. "We do not seem to have much of a choice, so we will join you."  
  
Neves smiled.  
  
  
  
  
  
Xev and Kai had been traveling for six hours in the rebel craft before the castle came into view. All around them the people were preparing for battle.  
  
As they got closer and closer to the castle the people around them got more irritated.  
  
Neves moved over towards them, "I do not understand, we should have been accosted by something by now."  
  
They all looked toward the castle for any sign of movement and found none. Xev spotted the moth and they headed towards it.  
  
  
  
When they got there they were surprised to see Stanley sitting in it arguing with 790.  
  
"MY LOVE! ARE YOU OK?!"  
  
"I'm fine 790. Stan are you alright?"  
  
Stan gave her a confused look and said, "I'm fine. Why? What have you heard?"  
  
Xev smiled and then remembered they were not alone on this voyage. "Where is Tia?"  
  
Stan sighed and told them the story of the last twelve hours.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"We found out you and Kai were gone and Tia went ballistic. She dragged that host guy around by the back of the neck for hours while we searched the castle. When we couldn't find anything she started making this noise that I had never heard before. It was somewhere between a cough and a snarl. Anyway, he got away from her and ran. His guards surrounded us and Tia shoved me down. By the time I got up half the guys were dead. We ran to the moth and she told me to stay here. Ever since then I've been hearing roars coming from the castle and no one has come out. I think she's trying to find the guy."  
  
Just as Stan finished the doors to the castle opened. Out came Tia. She was only mildly hurt with a few scratches. As soon as she saw Xev and Kai she came running. The rebels raised their weapons until Xev told them who she was. She put her arms around Xev. "Where were you?"  
  
Kai answered. "We were….saved by these people and we came back to save you two."  
  
Tia's face fell. "Do you mean to tell me that that guy really had nothing to do with it?"  
  
Kai nodded but Xev said, "What did you do in there?"  
  
"I told you about my temper. The Dark Panther part of me took over and I….well…."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I killed most of the guards and then finally the guy."  
  
Neves walked up to her, "Are you saying you killed all the guards and then the host?"  
  
Tia closed her eyes and lowered her head. A barely audible yes came from Tia.  
  
A great cheer went through the rebels and Neves grabbed her and squeezed. After a while he grabbed the sides of her face and gave her a passionate kiss. "Thank you brave female warrior. You have saved us from a great evil. He killed millions."  
  
Tia finally smiled when she could breath again.  
  
Stan whined. "Can we GO now?"  
  
The rebels went off to celebrate but Neves stayed behind. "You are welcome to celebrate with us honored ones."  
  
Xev Stan and Tia all said as one, "No."  
  
Tia said, "Thank you but we really should be going, this place is…not for us."  
  
"As you wish. You are all welcome here anytime."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
  
  
Back on the bridge of the Lexx Stan was questioning Tia. "So you really killed all those huge guys?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"WOW. That's .."  
  
Xev broke in, "Stan, if you say wonderful you will have to deal with me!"  
  
Stan looked at her and made a face.  
  
Tia broke up the juvenile behavior. "Where should we go now?"  
  
They sat in silence. Stan finally took his place in the Lexx control stand and put his hand on the spot. "Lexx, let's find us a new home without demented host guys and poisonous beetles."  
  
"AS YOU COMMAND STAN."  
  
Xev rolled her eyes at Stan for a final time before Lexx took off into space. 


End file.
